Damon may have tried to kill two people, Katherine offed one, Jeremy talked to his ghost girlfriend as though she were alive, and Stefan was all gruesome drinking human blood, but the most disturbing behavior was my own for even giving this episode two minutes of my recapping time. Sure, a couple of important things happened, but compared to last week’s, and my high, high hopes of excellence, this episode was bo-ring. I want history, magic, mystery, and then when you think there's enough in it, I want more. And I want it in next week’s episode. And I’m totally in a position to be making such demands.
In my disappointed state, here's what I have to say:
1. The episode opens with our tragic hero still chilling in Chicago. Rebecca shops for some era-appropriate clothing and decides that women in the 21st century dress like prostitutes. And then Katherine shows up across the street to motion Stefan out for a sidebar. Right after Rebecca talks about prostitutes. Now, I know that Kat is not from the 21st century, and that her outfit was pretty tame considering her occasional fashion choices, but you’ve got to admit how funny it is that the show basically called her a prostitute. Not that it’s ever OK to call women prostitutes. Especially for one woman to call another woman a prostitute, even inadvertently. But, man. Funny!
2. Katherine’s back! Again! Did I mention that? For a whole lot longer than she was in the last episode! That devil in a blue dress (Shirt? She was wearing a blue shirt, right?) knows a thing or two about the all-important necklace and appeals to Stefan to work together. Stefan’s not having it, though. He’s got a plan! To keep Klaus from finding out that Elena is alive and wearing that necklace! And it’s so diabolical that even the most diabolical woman he knows can’t figure it out! That is, if he even has a plan. Which, probably, he doesn’t. This could be very, very bad.
3. Gloria does a spell to locate the necklace. And when she does so, it burns Elena’s skin. Magic! Magic is scary. She’s able to see Elena, Bonnie and Caroline, and she’s able to hear them talk about Stefan. And then she’s able to chat with Stefan alone. About how she knows more than she’s telling Klaus. And Stefan will not tell her! She wants to make a deal, for him to tell her and she won’t tell Klaus because she wants the necklace for herself! But since he will not tell her, Gloria paralyzes him, removes his shirt and sticks him on a table, surrounded by candles and starts cutting him open. Naturally, this is all so she can use his blood, or his essence, to find out what he’s not saying. And man, that voodoo stuff is powerful. She finds out everything! That he still loves Elena, and that Elena’s the doppelganger, and that she’s alive and that’s why Klaus can’t create hybrids. Gloria is one scary lady, and things are not looking good. That is, until Katherine comes in and kills her. Yep! You read that right. She does it so well that it looks like Gloria just skipped town. And Klaus is raging!
4. Bonnie returns! Just in time for Jeremy to (eventually) tell her about Anna and Vicki. This episode, he only saw Anna, but it was qualitatively different than the other times. He and Anna were talking as if she was still alive! Apparently, it’s a push and pull situation. Anna’s pushing from the other side and has been trying to get Jeremy to hear her for days. When Jeremy’s open to it, they can converse. She explains that she can’t see Vicki, but that she feels darkness when she’s around. And Anna tells Jeremy to try to shut Vicki out. Because she’s dangerous! But there’s another problem. Mainly, the same problem. That Jeremy keeps seeing his dead ex-girlfriends. Anna explains that she only pops up when he’s thinking about her. Which, would mean, like, basically all the time. Wow, awkward. Especially the intense emotional cheating where they place their palms together, even though Jeremy can’t feel Anna’s. And now that Bonnie’s back, Jeremy shuts Anna out. Egad.
5. Bill may be no Pavlov, but apparently, he’s been able to train his mind to resist compulsion. That is really, really weird. Liz asks Damon to erase his memory and get him to leave town, but it obviously doesn’t work. He tries to suggest putting vervain in the town’s water supply, and wants to control the council, and other boring stuff, but Damon starts feeding on him, and then Caroline starts saving him, and then he’s finally convinced himself to leave.
6. Oh, and Damon kills Alaric! He comes back to life, of course. Damon was just annoyed at him. It’s no big deal. He doesn’t seem to understand why Alaric’s mad. You know, because killing someone is totally normal behavior.
7. Alaric demands to be installed on the council as a representative for the Gilberts. Okay. Sounds potentially intere—actually, I’m not sure I care.
8. Stefan asks about the guy Rebecca and Klaus were running from. Looks like he’s a vampire hunter named Michael. Rebecca knows something’s up. She kisses Stefan, she can tell. She doesn’t think Stefan’s really with them. So, Klaus knocks him out and brings him back to Mystic Falls. Oh, oh no.
9. And guess who else shows up in Mystic Falls? Katherine! With the necklace! Which she stole from Bonnie! Because Bonnie thought she was Elena! And then she goes to Damon’s! Looking for a diabolical partner in crime! And they’re going to hit the road! Together! OH MY GOD! This is going to be awesome.
Next week’s previews show Klaus finding out about Elena and trying to force Stefan to drink her blood! What’s going to happen? When are we going to meet the mysterious Michael? Is Rebecca in Mystic Falls, too? Are you psyched for Damon and Katherine’s road trip? Is Klaus going to find out what really happened to Gloria? And how does he not care that Katherine’s roaming about?
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